First Drunk (Part 3/4)
Now, at Texas A & M, we ain’t got cheerleaders, we got yell leaders and they ain’t soft, pretty girls, they’re big ugly guys usually in the “Corps of Cadets.” And they don’t lead the student body in cheers, they lead the student body in YELLS! And Aggies don’t yell in Pep Rallies, they yell in “Yell Practices and every Friday night during football season, the student body gathers in the football stadium for yell practice.
On the way to yell practice is when I realized tonight was going to be a night like I had never experienced to this point in my life. I was seeing things, hearing things, feeling things I had never yet experienced and damn, I was feeling GOOOOD! Tonight on the way to yell practice it seemed like there were great big gigantic throngs of students just all fucked up singing, dancing, cheering, just a general great time being an Aggie! Once there, things only got better!
At this point I was in a semi reality which wasn’t quite all put together. I saw this chick which reminded me of a belly dancer wearing some white shorts which were too short, a typical aggie t-shirt and the kicker, she had a fricking huge ass snake, if I had to guess a boa constrictor wrapped up all around her neck coming down writhing on her arms. She was holding it and caressing it and trying to shove its mouth into everybody’s face to include my own. “WHOAH!!! What the fuck girl?”
She giggles, “What? Are you afraid of my little boyfriend? Come on, take a kiss!” Kiss or no kiss, this is where I made a quick exit chasing my bud Dave into the bleachers. Whether it was the shaeffer light, the tahkillyah, or the snake, this is where the mind shut down.
Yell practice was always banging and tonight was not any different. The Yell Leaders did their job working everyone into a gigantic frenzy, which always culminated with a minute or two when all the lights in Kyle field were shut off. During this moment you are supposed to make out with your date that night, or in the case of those without dates you were to hold up a lighter and flick your bic. The theory was you were to go chase down a flame and make out with whomever you found. All well and good cept I only found guys this night and believe me I was on the prowl ladies.
After the yell practice not much went down save the typical Dave trying to hook up, along with the hot chick’s three other guys, and me saying,” I’m out Dave,” and heading back to the room. I was beginning to realize that drinking such a huge quantity of cheap light beer and nasty tequila perhaps had not been the wisest of decisions when it came to my gastric comfort.
About the Author
Tommy Sunshine Tommy Sunshine works full time making about $420.00 annually changing oil and filters and doing some crygenic magic for the man who tries to keep him down. He trys to be a comic, but he's very new and he sucks, really bad. Oh, and he hates marriage, he doesn't care if its gay marriage or straight marriage, its fucking stupid. I would love to get a comment!
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You know, I remember when I was attempting to raise you, that I suggested you learn to drink at home. Responsibly. When you turned 13 almost 14 at Christmas, I said, hey Tommy, how about some liquor in your Christmas Egg Nog? No, No , No,was your response egged on by your angelic , Bible Thumpin’ mother.
No, Paw, I shan’t have the devils brew in my Christmas nog. When we would have spaghetti and Red wine- Hey Tommy, how about some red wine with your dinner? It’s better for you to learn to drink at home under the watchful eyes of your parents. No, Father. I shan’t have the devils brew with my dinner. I shall never take up the devils brew.
Even though Jesus turned the water into wine at His mother’s request and it is in the Bible, it’s OK to drink wine. Nay, Father. For those were the olden days before the Puritans turned out the sins in the Bible and learned the ways of Strychnine drinking, snake handling, tongue talking, pew jumping Religion. You know- Real Religion.
So off you go and learned to drink with strangers who were up to no good. Smooth move- Ex-Lax!!!
Haha, whatever! I drink therefore I am!