Sunny days in San Diego with the Marine Corps
Heals on-line and touching, feet at a 45 deg angle…
In the Marine Corps, it’s common knowledge recruits have no mental power whatsoever. Yeah, recruits are stupid is what I’m trying to say. I can say this, because I was just as stupid as any other recruit I ever met and they were all just as stupid as me. The first and most clear example of this was the moment I stepped off the bus at MCRD San Diego as the newest Marine recruit back in May of ’88.
We were so stupid, they had to paint special footprints on the ground for us to stand on and it still took us half an hour to figure out where we were supposed to be. It was like one giant game of Marine Corps Twister! The whole time 3 of the meanest, toughest, baddest drill instructors were shouting at us to get our feet on the yellow footprints! Shortest to tallest, fat bodies to the rear, reservists arms up!! Damn, the shit was crazy!
This guy Loftus reminds me a little bit of SSgt Scott…
As it turns out, this whole process was hilarious to me and while I was giggling about it I noticed Drill Instructor SSgt Scott as he performed the most amazing leap from one end of the formation to the space 23 thousandths of an inch in front of my face… All in a single bound! It was like superman was wearing dress blue charlies, like JJ from good times had dynamite jumping shoes strapped to his feet, it was the most amazingly funny yet terrifying thing I’d ever seen in my life. And the worst possible thing I could do next was the exact thing I did…. I laughed…
Laughing in your Drill Instructors face is like sticking a snapping turtle into your mothers bed as a prank when you’re 7. You’ll remember that shit for the rest of your life! Its like Osama telling yo momma so fat jokes to Seal Team 6… Its just not the smartest thing to do!
So, Drill Instructor SSgt Scott opens up the bullhorn he calls a mouth and says, “Oh, we have a fricking comedian here today huh? Whats so damn funny recruit? Cat got your tongue? Bet it ain’t so fuckin funny now huh? You know what, since you like to smile so much I’m gonna call you Recruit Sunshine, do you hear me?”
I said, “Yeah…”
And this got him started all over again, “RECRUIT SUNSHINE, the first and last words out of your mouth from this day forward will be sir do you understand?”
“Sir uh.. duh.. yeah sir?”
SSgt Scott blares out, ” RECRUIT SUNSHINE, SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!” Whats your name recruit?
“Sir Tommy SIR!”
“No sunshine, your last name!”
“Sir Sarda Sir”
“NO you idiot I just named you Recruit Sunshine! Now one more freaking time before I take you to the pit and thrash the laugh right out of ya, “RECRUIT SUNSHINE, WHATS YOUR NAME?”
Finally I replied…
“SIR This recruit’s name is Recruit SUNSHINE SIR!”
So thats the story about why I call myself Tommy Sunshine….
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