Speaking of guns!
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the 2nd amendment but sometimes you gotta be smarter than the gun and more importantly smarter than the 12 year old. Let me tell you a story about covering your tracks.
Once upon a time, my paw and mom let me stay home from school because I was sick. Sick my ass, I might have had a little cough or something but primarily it was just a matter of swindling mom into believing I was so very tick, sniff, sniff sniff, awww.
So, once mom left for work, I hopped up from bed and turned on the boob tube, course we didn’t have HBO, but back then if you watched a premium channel you’d never purchased the screen would be all wiggly, kind of cut in half put on the other side of the screen with a weird bar running down the center. Every now and then you might be able to see a titty or something but whatever. I was watching the Toy with Richard Pryor.
While I was sitting there I thought it’d be cool to go get dad’s 9mm Browning semi-auto handgun with a 9 round clip. He kept it in an old air force blue duffel bag in the guest bedroom’s closet shelf. I loved playing with firearms, thought it so cool. I’d put rounds into the magazine and then yank the slide back chambering and watching the rounds fly out. Chicka clicka chicka clicka chicka… Shit was awesome! I’d point the gun at the tv and act like I would shoot the bad guys dry firing the weapon. Point it at the ceiling, at my head, back at the tv, etc. Just being a dumbass 12 year old, you know. Then one time I loaded up the mag with 9 rounds, stuck it into the gun, chambered a round and then dropped the mag to fill it back up to 9 again. Yeah baby, one in the chamber, I was ready to go! I watched tv some more acting like a badass then I pulled the slide back and forth unloading the rounds again. Watching the show some more, pointing the gun at the tv, my head, the ceiling, back and forth then I had the weapon by my ear pointing straight up at the ceiling when I saw someone on the tv I didn’t like. Pulled the trigger and BOOOOOM! I’d forgotten about that one I’d chambered!!OHHH OHHHHHHH!! NOOO!! WTF!!! OH MY GOD OHHHH SHIT !!! NOOO!!! My ear was all ringing, couldn’t hear shit out of it, I jumped up from the chair and instantly went into cover up mode.
Jumped up from the recliner I’d been sitting on, grabbed the shell casing which was scorching hot and ran to the kitchen bouncing it from hand to hand so as not to burn myself. In the kitchen I put the casing on the counter because I had to empty the trash can so I could put it at the bottom of the trash. Couldn’t have paw finding that shit, he’d have my ass! After disposing of the evidence I went and sat back down, breathing a sigh of relief… Until I looked up and saw a perfectly formed 9mm hole in the ceiling! OMG! So I ran over to the bar and snatched a white piece of paper and some scotch tape, I dragged a chair under the hole and stuck the paper over the hole. Hmm everything looked all right but still, kinda obvious if you were looking at it. Next I went to the garage and scrounged up some white spray paint. A few puff puff puffs, of white paint and I was all set! Looked good! OMG What about whenever it rains again, will the ceiling leak? Shit! I ran outside climbed the privacy fence by the roof and scoured the area over the living room. Never could find a hole though, figure the round must have lodged in a rafter or something. After that, I put everything away where it belonged and laid back down in bed with my ringing ear.
Eventually dad showed up asking how I was doing, still sick or not, I told him I was doing all right and tried to roll over and forget my newfound deafness in my right ear. Neither my mom nor dad ever found that hole and my mom sold the house about 20 years ago. That’s what I call covering your tracks!
About the Author
Tommy Sunshine Tommy Sunshine works full time making about $420.00 annually changing oil and filters and doing some crygenic magic for the man who tries to keep him down. He trys to be a comic, but he's very new and he sucks, really bad. Oh, and he hates marriage, he doesn't care if its gay marriage or straight marriage, its fucking stupid. I would love to get a comment!
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